Your relationship with work
You Really Got A Hold On Me
I joined the corporate workforce 40 years ago and over the intervening period the work experience has steadily grown worse. Our relationship with work has become more complex but also more difficult, to the point today that for many it resembles an abusive relationship.
Back in the 1980s, those of us with ‘white collar’ jobs were considered to be lucky, spending our time in the safety of an office. ‘Blue collar’ workers, who were majority of the workforce, frequently faced dirty, uncomfortable and dangerous conditions and their retirement, if they managed to make it that far, was often short.
Since then, not only have blue collar jobs greatly reduced, they have become immeasurably safer, through health and safety legislation and improved work practices. Office workers, on the other hand, have been subjected to increasing workloads, longer hours, higher levels of stress and an unrelenting ratcheting up of pressure. White collar jobs have become more dangerous, causing worsening physical and mental health and increasing incidence of burnout.
Employers routinely demand more be done with less, that staff be available for more of the day, that work be done more quickly, that responses be instantaneous. They also subject them to higher levels of surveillance, micro-manage every aspect of their work, monitor their actions against ever-increasing targets and demand conformity and compliance. Transgressions are pounced upon and lead to punishment.
All the time, salary levels are being repressed and benefits being salami-sliced away.
Doesn’t that sound rather like an abusive relationship?
Coercive control is dressed up as performance measurement and cultural fit.
Gaslighting is done through espoused values that are at odds with the observed behaviours and by a constant upbeat internal message that is at odds with the lived experience. Also, by getting you sign up to the ‘company purpose’ so they can guilt you into giving your discretionary time.
Demeaning and belittling of people in public is a common occurrence.
Blame and scapegoating are used to push responsibility for your circumstances onto you or others.
All things that are, sadly, not uncommon in workplaces today.
I Put A Spell On You
In the individualistic world of positivity and personal responsibility, we are told we should accept responsibility for our circumstances. So does that mean we are to blame for getting into these abusive relationships with work?
Well, I don’t think we are (you know, sometimes you really ARE a victim), I think we’ve been groomed. Through our schooling and through the narrative we are given about work, we’ve been set up to be exploited.
I had that mindset when I was in corporate. I put the job first, stayed late at the office to finish things, brought work home. I went on business trips and off-sites that kept me away from my family. I allowed work to shut down a lot of my other activities and relationships, so I ended up with just work, family & close friends. It’s what I was told was the right thing to do.
In fact, I was caught up in an enchantment, a Corporate Fairytale. I believed that if I worked hard, I would get on. That my work colleagues were my friends (some really were and still are today but most were not). I believed that what I did was important, and that’s why I had to put in the hours and make the sacrifices.
I don’t blame myself because an awful lot of effort is put into creating these enchantments and getting to believe in the fairytale (5 year strategy, anyone?). I bought it because it was necessary for my self-preservation. I could only keep on working as I was because I believed.
But when you get made redundant, you realise it’s not true. Your hard work was not rewarded, your work colleagues were not your friends and what you did was of no importance and discarded without a thought.
I often refer to William Bridges model of transition, and here I am talking about ‘The Ending’, which he says has four stages:
Disengagement
Disidentification
Disenchantment
Disorentation
And there is it, the third stage - dis-enchantment. Literally, the end of the enchantment. The spell is broken and you see the world as it truly is.
Don’t wait until you are made redundant or discarded in some way. Look around now and ask yourself what fairytale is being spun to you and what is really going on.
Danger Zone
COVID was the big spell-breaker for everyone.
For the first time the majority of office workers got to experience life outside the enchantment and, even though it was the sub-optimal experience of working from home under lockdown, they liked it.
The had a chance to pause and reflect and decided they were not going to return to the madness of commuting to an office five days a week.
A number of them also decided they wanted to get away from their employer and find a new opportunity. By far the biggest reason for this (the ‘Great Resignation’ as it has been misleadingly dubbed) was to escape a toxic environment. Once the spell was broken, they saw things as they really are and realised it was a lot worse than they had acknowledged. That’s why they are pushing back on ‘Return to Office’ plans and voting with their feet.
When we are in a bad situation or relationship, we believe two things. Firstly, we tell ourselves that it’s not really as bad as it is; and secondly, we tell ourselves we are coping better than we actually are.
I certainly did this at time in my corporate career. I ignored the obvious signs that it was harming me, that my ‘coping strategies’ were not nearly as effective as I thought, that my armour was getting so thick and heavy I was practically grinding to a halt. It was only afterwards, looking back, I not only wonder why I endured it for so long, I also wonder how.
If you are in a situation with work that is causing you stress and anguish but are convincing yourself that it’s not that bad, you can cope and get through it, that means the dial on your personal pressure meter is already nudging into the red zone. Your situation is always worse than it appears to you in the moment, so when you hit that danger zone, you need to act, and fast.
The Only Way Is Up!
Blimey, that all got a bit dark, didn’t it? Well, I want people to be aware of what’s happening to them because I wasn’t and I ended up getting chewed up and spat out by corporate life. I don’t want that to happen to you.
I remember a conversation I had after I had with a fellow ‘corporate escapee’, sharing our tales of woe. He told me that for every year I had spent in corporate it would take me a year out of corporate to get over it. This was a rather sobering thought with an unedifying conclusion (‘What? It will take me until THEN??), so I dismissed as the ramblings of a fool. I didn’t want to accept it would take that long.
I have since come to believe there was much wisdom in what he said. Experience is an infallible teacher.
The good news is I have now been out of corporate for as long as I was in, so there’s only one way to go now!
It’s good to end on a happier note, isn’t it?