I’m Gonna Tear This Playhouse Down
It’s taken me several years to figure out how to talk about my career. I have conflicting and ambivalent emotions about it. It caused me enormous turmoil and psychological pain but also taught me so much and gave me deep friendships, personal growth, achievement, new experiences and great satisfaction, even joy.
To say it is a mixed bag seems something of an understatement, even for a laconic Brit like me.
I have several versions of my story littering my laptop, from an array of CVs to full-blown presentations. Each is a successive unpeeling of the onion, an attempt to make sense of what happened to me and to reconcile my feelings. Each one getting me closer to the story I want to tell and that I am at ease with. Each one a step on the healing process.
The analogy that I eventually came up with was one of Playgrounds and Prisons.
You see, I realised that my career had encompassed both ends of the spectrum of workplace culture, both the highs and the lows of the work experience. I needed a contrast that reflected that.
My career at BT, where I spent 15 years, was very much a game of two halves (to add another metaphor!)
The first half was the Playground.
The second half was the Prison.
The Playground was working in a couple of quite entrepreneurial environments where I had a lot of autonomy and latitude to try things out. They were supportive environments, where I was encouraged to experiment and learn, as we were working in new areas and there weren’t any precedents to follow. It was a period of considerable growth and learning for me and it was a lot of fun too.
The Prison was working in a fear-driven, strongly hierarchical, command and control environment. I ended up there through a re-organisation that merged the two businesses I had worked in into this larger one. I naively carried on as before because that had been successful for me but it didn’t work out well for me in this new environment. I got told I was to stay in my place, to stop questioning and do as I was told. I was told I was guilty of ‘going offside’ and I should toe the company line. It was repressive and restrictive and I was very unhappy. I developed a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms.
And then I got my ‘Psycho Boss’. Whilst bullying was a standard management style in the organisation, he was far too clever for that. He subjected me to what I now see as psychological abuse, although I didn’t have the understanding to know that at the time or the language to describe it.
I tried to tough it out, following a pattern I was already familiar with of ignoring the problem, putting my head down and pushing harder. I can tell you now, with the benefit of hindsight, that this is not a winning strategy. However, I persisted and I sort of came through but at great personal cost. I had already been traumatised by the ‘Prison’ environment and this really pushed me deeper, although I remained in ignorance of that. I was still telling myself I was OK.
I can tell this story because I have spent many years dealing with the consequences and healing from the wounds these experiences inflicted upon me. I can also tell it because I have accepted that I was a victim. I don’t want to be a victim, that doesn’t align with my self image, my social conditioning makes me resistant to that label. But accepting that is necessary for recovery.
We are all victims of the toxic work environments we find ourselves in (if you have not experience toxicity in the workplace, you have either been very lucky, asleep or deluded). That’s why my story often resonates so strongly with people. The first time I told my story this way, I asked people to discuss their experiences in groups for 15 minutes. They could have carried on all afternoon, such was the amount of pain and injury that was surfaced.
Redemption Song
My experience inspired me to start Decrapify Work, for two reasons.
The first is that I became exasperated that more and more workplaces were becoming like Prisons, when I knew it was better for the organisation and, more importantly, the employees for them to be Playgrounds. I certainly knew which I preferred and which I was most effective in. Put simply, Prisons are places of surviving whilst Playgrounds are places of thriving. Why are we on this planet if not to thrive?
The second, however, is more rooted in my personal experience. My story is not just about being damaged by corporate life, being chewed up and spat out by the system. Sadly it is not an uncommon experience, I’ve met plenty of people with similar tales. What made it worse for me personally was, firstly, that I was quite unaware of the dangers and the damage that was being done to me; and secondly that I was in denial about the impact it had on me. This combination of ignorance and obstinance kept me stuck and greatly prolonged my recovery.
Ignorance and obstinance are both are avoidable, of course, and it is my desire to help others do just that.
I can’t guarantee that even if you are aware of the dangers, alert to the symptoms, have strategies to avoid or at least minimise the damage; and even if you know what ‘good’ looks like and where to look for it; you will come through unscathed. It’s way more complex than that. However, forewarned is forearmed.
By exploring my own story, I aim to make you aware of the problems and the pitfalls, give you the knowledge and language to understand and describe your situation, and suggest some strategies and tactics to navigate your way through Corporate Life more successfully than I did.
At the same time, I champion those who are getting it right and showing what ‘good’ is, whilst castigating those who do the worst (that last bit may not be absolutely essential but I have to have some pleasures in life!).
We’re Not Gonna Take It
Oh, I also started Decrapify Work because I’m angry.
No, I’m not angry about what happened to me, at least, not any more. It’s not that I’m being ‘totally Zen’ about it all, it’s just that it’s not worth hanging on to those feelings because they were keeping me stuck. Letting go is a necessary part of moving on. It’s not easy but it is essential (they never mention that first bit in those platitudinous memes, do they?).
I’m not angry with the people who abused me (the proper term for ‘bullying’). They were often victims too, brutalised by the demands of the system and the treatment from their bosses, or else driven by their own inner demons and pain. It wasn’t ever about me.
No, I’m angry because it’s getting worse, no-one seems be acknowledging and addressing the problems and it’s completely unnecessary! To compound things, it’s also counter-productive. This regression is making organisations less effective, less vital, less robust and less sustainable. In short, it’s bloody stupid.
We have to try to turn the tide. Otherwise, we choose to let the waters close over our heads.
Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves
As I write this, it’s International Women’s Day and there is some debate as to whether it is having any affect and if it’s even worth continuing. There seems to a decline in the number of events and corporates seem less willing to engage with it because they just get made to feel uncomfortable about the gender pay gap and all the other women’s issues they aren’t really doing much about.
I wrote last week about ‘Green-washing’, ‘Well-washing’ and tick-boxing in general and IWD has certainly been tainted by the desire of organisations to appear as if they are doing the right thing without actually changing anything. It has become a bit of a marketing exercise, full of self-congratulation. A charade of change.
Then there’s also the backlash from the male idiocracy, who’s screaming petulance is getting louder and more unpleasant every year. For those with privilege, equality feels like oppression (hat-tip to James O’Brien for that). And there’s plenty who seek to profit by whipping up division and animosity.
All this seems to me to argue that we need IWD more that ever. The numbers don’t lie and they are not moving forward fast enough. If women don’t keep up the pressure, the idiocracy will push them backwards (like the repeal of Roe v Wade in the USA).
We don’t need more men in charge, we need more women. And more representation from every minority - but women are the vanguard. And the job’s not done.
I'm pretty much an old white guy. 61, so maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit on "old," but close enough.
And I am sick to death of the leadership of old white guys. I was a Liberal living in Canada, so here in the States I'm definitely a "lunatic socialist" and it goes without saying that I vote progressive-liberal. With that number one priority in place, I vote for candidates that are, in no particular order:
Women
People of Color
Atheist or Agnostic
Aboriginal
Gay/Lesbian/Trans/Queer
Step aside old white guys. We haven't done that great a job and I believe there are better people to lead the next few decades.