Alone Again, Naturally

Introverts, it's our time!

It’s Oh So Quiet

Clip Art acknowledgement

Yep, this week I’m going to talk about introversion, a much maligned and misundertstood attribute. Of course, I would say that, I’m an introvert myself. Well, maybe not out loud but I’d definitely think it…

Dan Pink talks about introversion and extroversion in ‘To Sell Is Human’, where he challenges the received wisdom that extroverts make the best salespeople. Dan shows that it takes qualities of both extroversion and introversion to be able to persuade others to ‘buy’ from you. The best people are those who can flex up and down the introvert-extrovert continuum, depending on the demands of the situation. These people who lie mostly in the middle are known as ‘ambiverts’. They can’t reach the extremes but they can move along the middle and we can all work to increase our range of movement.

So I’d guess I am an ambivert but the centre of my range is nearer the introvert end. I can be extrovert but to a limited degree and for a limited amount of time because it takes more effort.

That insight was useful but it was really when I read Susan Cain’s excellent book “Quiet” that I really got more of a handle on my introversion. Cain shows how introversion is much more complex and nuanced that we generally think. It’s not a simple extrovert/introvert duality.

I’d always been a bit confused because I really need to be with people at times, if I’m working at home on my own for a few days I go stir crazy.  One of my favourite activities is just hanging out but at the same time I find it exhausting to be always on, so I will take myself off for a bit of peace and quiet now and then, maybe go for a walk or read a book.

It seems this is because I am High-Reactive and am excited by ideas, which is why I love chewing the fat with others. I also have a higher degree of sensitivity (which extroverts can have but are less likely to), which means I am a keen observer and listener and quite intuitive (along with a load of other stuff). That means I need to both be with people some of the time and also have a good slug of me-time. Too much one way or the other and I get stressed and unhappy.

So it seems introverts can like parties too but they’ll be the ones in the kitchen having deep philosophical discussions and occasionally going for a walk around the garden for a breather. Although I do like to hit the dance floor on a regular basis too… Like I said, it’s complicated.

Design For Life

The main point that Susan Cain makes in her book is that the world is designed for extroverts and this puts us introverts at a disadvantage. We are forced to pretend to be extrovert (which some of us are OK with some of the time but others find exhausting or impossible) or be judged as inadequate in some way.

This point was made in a post-come-rant by my friend Emma Taggart, who coaches introverted leaders. She commented on her school reports that said “Emma is doing well but is very reserved” and a conversation with someone who had been told ‘You need to be more extravert if you want to progress’.

“Seriously, what is this shit?!” Was Emma’s question.

It’s about time got past these discriminatory and unfair biases. We’re talking about 50% of the population here!

There’s no correlation between who talks most and who has the best ideas, or gets things done. As Plato told us long ago, “The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.” Indeed, it’s often the reflective and thoughtful introvert who has the best insights.

As Emma puts it, “The bottom line is

⭐️ Extraverts speak to think - it’s how their brains are wired

⭐️ Introverts think before they speak - we *need* to do this

⭐️No one is ‘too quiet’ (or ‘too loud’)”

The workplace should respect and accommodate all styles. It is the very worse practice to force people to be something they’re not, to oppress them with conformity. It’s also fantastically counter-productive to create an environment that not only ignores the needs of half the people but actively degrades their performance.

It’s actually an issue of equality. Introvert voices need to heard. Literally.

You Talk Too Much

Extroversion, as reflected above, is seen to be a quality of ‘leadership’. In his book “Why do so many incompetent men get to be leaders?”, Tomas Chamurro-Premusik identifies one reason is our tendency to mistake confidence for competence, and confidence is something extroverts project even when what they are saying is meaningless.

We also have a very strong narrative of the ‘Heroic Leader’ who is, invariable, projected as an extrovert, one who speaks loudly and confidently and commands their audience. So there are very strong social cues (certainly in western culture) that connect extroversion and leadership.

But this is not the only game in town. There are other ways of leading that are built around introversion. Emma talks about ‘Quiet Confidence’, of speaking up when you want to and doing so with authority and gravitas born of holding a firm grasp of the topic and having though about it deeply.

Indeed, the qualities of an introverted leader are better suited to the world of work that is emerging, where their empathy and listening skills are invaluable in bringing distributed teams together, for example.

The extrovert hero is a throwback to the past. It was always a bit of an illusion anyway, as the supporting voices were there but drowned out by foghorn at the top.

It’s time for the introverts to take over. Geekiness is IN!

We Can Work It Out

So how does the Decrapified Workplace deal with introversion?

(The Decrapified Workplace is a figment of my imagination that I created a while ago because someone asked me what it would look like. You can read the article I wrote that describes it here).

Firstly, it is built around asynchronous working. That means there’s loads of lovely quiet time for deep focused work, for thinking and reflecting. It also means there is a premium placed on well-written and thoughtful documents, which introverts excel at producing. It puts an end to the exhausting wall-to-wall meetings (whether in person or on zoom) and the hours wasted listening to extroverts take their half-formed thoughts and verbally hammer them into a vaguely recognisable shape whilst you scream quietly inside. Thinking is done before the meeting and everyone has to read the document beforehand.

Secondly, people have autonomy of where, when and how they work, so they are in control of their environment and their time. No more distractions of noise, light and activity. An end to incessant interruptions. You can orchestrate your perfect blend of alone time and people time. And no more ‘forced fun’ at the office.

Thirdly, there are democratic practices and open decision making that mean everyone gets a fair share of voice and everyone’s views are heard. No more having the conversation dominated by the HIPPO’s and those who love the sound of their own voice.

But one of the key principles of the Decrapified Workplace is respect, so there equally has to be space for the extroverts to get their needs met (because, despite the mildly derogatory comments I’ve made about them here, we do need them and their contribution. Beside, some of my best friends are extroverts …).

The balance in the workplace has been wrong in the past. Now we have a chance to put it right and create a better, more inclusive workplace where everyone can thrive.

(P.S. I am aware that whilst things have been skewed in favour of the 50% who are extroverts, it’s also been skewed to the 50% that are male. We need to address that too!).

Read All About It

If you’d like to hear me talk a bit more about introversion then, apart for getting some obviously much-needed therapy, you could also check out my mate Jon Baker’s “Activate your Introvert” podcast, which I’ve appeared on a couple of times. Jon looks at introversion in business, not only addressing how introverts can perform better in the workplace but also people who manage introverts and what they can do to support them and get the best out them.

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